letters that won't get a response
September 19, 2006
Dear Universe,
Today would be a fine day to send some positive news in my general direction. I know, I know. All I can control is my response to you, the Universe. Still, if you could throw me a bone here, I'd appreciate it.
Sincerely,
-Adrienne Martini
Dear Eunny,
Your work is gorgeous. I am in awe. I am also feeling that I should just stop knitting right now because I will never ever match the glory you have achieved. I am aware that this is a personal failing and not your fault but I just thought I should mention it.
Humbly yours,
-Adrienne
Dear students who live in Oneonta,
I know that college is a fun and exciting time. I know that you are young. I know what you do on the weekends. I think it's great. Soon enough you'll have actual problems and responsibilities. Enjoy yourselves now. Used condoms, however, belong in some kind of trash bin and not on the sidewalk for all of us to admire. Some mornings, you can't walk a block without spying another sad display. Yes, yes. I know you are proud of your conquests but, if nothing else, your inability to find another hole to put such things in is really grossing me out.
Knock it off,
-Professor Martini
Dear Diva,
Pick up your shit or you will be living in the fucking garage.
Love,
-Mommy
Dear Internets,
This picture pulled me one whole step away from the edge. That could change any moment. You are on notice.
-A
re: , your inability to find another hole to put such things in is really grossing me out.
Dear Shiny New MacBook,
I am sorry that the above sentence caused me to spray Honest Tea all over your formerly unsullied screen.
Posted by: karrie | September 19, 2006 at 01:32 PM
Got a great chuckle out of stuff on my cat. If you need another laugh check this out http://weaknights.typepad.com/weak_nights/2006/09/cock_shaped_tre.html#more. Courtesy of my cousin Charlie.
Posted by: Trish | September 19, 2006 at 03:09 PM
Thank you for that link. I too am now one step further from the brink and the laughter it produced lightened my office quite a bit.
Posted by: Kim | September 27, 2006 at 02:48 PM