i love a good simile
December 21, 2006
PL sent these to me and, of course, I just had to share. I'm not certain that I believe that they come from actual student papers but am willing to suspend my disbelief for entertainment's sake.
Here are two sets, with some overlap:
Set one: She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
Set two: She was as easy as the "TV Guide" crossword.
I forgot to mention yesterday that as part of my perambulations about town I went to Da Vida, which is a local store full of fair trade stuff. I was buying gourmet soap for the aforementioned teacher gifts. As I was checking out, the older woman behind the counter looked at my check and said "you're the lady who writes for the paper."*
"I am," I said.
"You're taller than I thought you'd be."
I'm still not sure how to take this. The picture that runs in the paper is a head-and-shoulders shot, closely cropped so that there's really nothing from which to gauge scale. I guess I just have the head of a short person. Or the hair of one.
* This used to happen in Knoxville, too, although what followed was rarely complimentary. Usually the next thing out of the person's mouth was something about how we were all hell-bound liberals or stupid fucks who don't know good music/movies/art or destroying the city's moral fiber. It's taken 3 years to not flinch when someone says "don't you write for the paper?"
Which makes it sound like it happens frequently. It doesn't. But if you should ever meet me in person, let me know if I'm taller than you expected. And those who have met me in person -- do you think I'm taller than expected?
I should be wrapping. Oh, the wrapping.
The first thing Ola *ever* said to me, I mean the first thing out of his mouth when we met, was that I was shorter than he thought I'd be.
...so you're saying you're not a hell-bound liberal? :)
Posted by: Shelley | December 21, 2006 at 03:25 PM
Definitely and comPLETEly taller than I thought you'd be. At least four inches taller, maybe six really. You write small, I'm telling you--which is neither here nor there. I have no idea why I thought you were smaller than you are.
Ain't that peculiar? Did you think I was taller in person?
Posted by: Ann | December 21, 2006 at 08:44 PM
Yes, you're taller than I expected, but at 7'4", you probably get that all the time.
Posted by: matthew | December 22, 2006 at 11:29 AM
Ann -- I hadn't really thought about it until you asked but, yeah, you were taller than I expected. Maybe, as a reader, one expects the writer to be able to fit *in* the book. If I wrote, like, Infinite Jest, readers would think I was bigger; if I wrote pamphlets, they'd think I was even smaller. Hrm. Or maybe it's the knitting thing. When you think knitter, you think pocket-sized person? How tall is Kay? I know the Harlot is tiny. Perhaps we should take a survey. I'll start -- 5'8" (5'9" when wearing the pilgrim shoes).
matthew -- smart. ass.
S -- I am a hell bound liberal. I just get twitchy when people find that they have to yell at me about it, like that's going to change my mind. I feel the same about the Jesus yellers as well.
Posted by: Adrienne | December 22, 2006 at 11:40 AM
I actually think that there tend to be a lot of knitters at the ends of the scale spectrum because one thing that brings people to the activity - initially - is a desire for a sweater that fits. And then the wool makes them lose their minds.
Mason-Dixon Kay, you mean? I've met her a couple of times, but I think I was sitting down most of them - I recollect her at about 5'6" (+/- 2"). But am bad at this - everyone looks kinda short to me.
Posted by: Juno | December 22, 2006 at 03:34 PM